Last week I became a father again to a beautiful, healthy baby girl, 8 pounds, 3 ounces. She joined mom, dad and her 5-year-old brother ready to take on the world. Even though I have been through the baby stage before with my son, 5 years later and it’s like I am doing it all over again from scratch. Though it may seem that way I can say thus far it is easier than my first child. When she hits her teenage years I will probably answer that differently but until then it’s really about keep this tiny miracle nurtured, safe and alive. No pressure.
This time around mom and dad know what we are doing, at least more than the last time. We know what to expect, what to freak out about and what to take as part of what babies do. I am generally a thoroughly analytical, highly planned and organized individual and if things aren’t going to my plan then I get a little perturbed. Not with her. I did with my first child as we had no clue what we were doing, what new parents can say they do? I can’t remember when I have been so relaxed, at ease, and taking everything as it comes, dealing with it and moving on. It’s time to feed, ok. Diapers, no problem. Screaming child for no apparent reason, just figure out what it is and care for the discomfort. Remember, this little bundle is 7 days into a strange new world and she’s figuring things out as she goes along too. No reason to get frustrated because she’s crying until she’s purple for no reason you can think of. That’s what babies do, some 20 year olds I know still do this. Ha!
So with that I do what I need to do as a father because she’s my child and 100% my responsibility. I don’t play the gender divider in the Binary Blogger household we have implemented our own 50/50 rule for the family. No matter what we split the duties 50/50. Five years into it and our system has never let us down and I chuckle at people’s reactions to it that the dad does all the things I do. In a future post I will lay out what our system is but it’s built on the foundation of PARENTS, plural. Mom AND Dad.
After my daughter was born I did what fathers should do, be a father by taking care of my child. My wife went through 9 months of physical transformation, discomfort, illness, health issues and then you throw in labor and delivery the least I can do is wait on her hand and foot making sure she recovers as quickly and healthy as possible. Bonus points were achieved when I got Mrs. Binary a full body massage treatment in the hospital the night after giving birth. Win.
In the room I changed diapers, put on pajamas, and fed my child. Simple caring tasks that I assumed both parents did for their newborns, but the nurses kept saying how it was rare to see a father do those things and do them without issues. I didn’t take that as a compliment but as a sad reflection on the continual disconnect of fathers being fathers in today’s world. Were they serious that dads that had multiple kids couldn’t put on clothes on a newborn?
Even as I write this post my daughter is here in the office with me sitting in her bouncy seat, all wrapped up dozing off while my wife is putting our five-year old to bed. If she screams I stop and comfort her, diaper full I change it, hungry I feed her, if she spits up all over me then I clean her up and change my shirt. That’s what I do without complaints, reservations, and I actually enjoy it. I chose to be a father, not to just have kids, but to take on the job of being a father. Those comments and insinuations just bothered me and my wife. We knew there were lackluster parents out there but to have so many that me of all people stuck out as unique to a professional health care facility that handles thousands of births a year disturbs me. Is this really the case?
I will be discussing this in more detail later on because as I look around and start opening my eyes to Father communities, groups, message boards and Twitter Lists this may be accurate. If I am rare breed as a father because I can feed, clothe, care for my children without assistance then I am scared and saddened by the state of things.
Aside from what others do I am enjoying caring for my new baby, a miracle in her own right and if I tell that story you will call her that as well.
Welcome to the world little girl, I am working to make it better than how I found it for you.
Binary Blogger has spent 20 years in the Information Security space currently with Magenic providing security solutions and evangelism to clients. From early web application programming, system administration, senior management to enterprise consulting I provide practical security analysis and solutions to help companies and individuals figure out HOW to be secure everyday.